Advice on Fathers Day from a Father

As Fathers Day approaches I will go back to the days when I was married. I came to realize early on that this was not my day to celebrate what I thought a father should be to his child but what others thought that had no real insight into the pride I felt from the day my son was born.

I knew there would be “gifts” and as time went by I knew that these were someone else’s idea of what I should have; the obligatory tie or cute “My Dad is the greatest” coffee mug.

What I really wanted out of the day was a day alone with my son, 100% totally undisturbed as time for the two of us to do something just for us.

What I wanted was the bonding time to talk and do some of the things that only a father and son or daughter can do together. No correcting of our manners. No looking at us funny when we farted out loud. This was real man time. We could eat what we wanted, do what we wanted.

I never got that until after I was divorced.

Everything changed and now I enjoyed the day because my son and I did what a father and son combination should do on Father’s Day. We went to an Indians game and talked and ate hot dogs. We played golf and finished off by watch the US Open together. I will forever remember the look on Earl Woods’ face the day Tiger won his first Open. I will remember the smile on Ton Kite’s face as his dad greeted him coming off the final green.

Father’s Day is about men. It is about manly things not ties. MEN hate ties. We wear them but hate them

It is about drowning worms in a lake in hopes of catching a fish that may or may not find our hook.

It is about shooting a gun until our shoulders are sore or we run out of targets or shells.

It is about going to a car show to look at cars we can only dream of owning.

It is about being a man.

This Fathers Day don’t buy the gift you think he should have; buy him something to celebrate his manhood. You may hate but it is not for you it is for Dad.

Buy him the tickets to the local ball game so he can relax in the sun with his children.

Buy him the round of golf and give him the time to go play.

Buy him a couple boxes of shell so he can go shoot targets

Buy him the rod and reel that he has wanted for a long time but has not gotten because he was taking care of what his family needed.

Don’t buy him a new hammer. That ladies, is like him buying you a frying pan for Mother’s Day.

Don’t buy him some book that you think will make him a better father. He is doing the best he can, so get out of his way.

Me on this Father’s Day, I’ll spend it talking to the fathers that didn’t get to see their children. My son and I have won’t see each other because of work schedules. We will make it up later. I am at peace with that because I know that this is the real world. We will have a beer later and catch up.

I shouldn’t have to spend my day this way but with the Ohio General Assembly refusing to move SB144/HB253 forward, but this is the way it will be.

Nationally we see statistics that put custody going to mothers 85% of the time. Those same statistics hold very true for Ohio and in some counties we have seen rates as high as 100% to the mother.

I recently looked at 250+ open cases in Lorain Country and did not find a single case where the father was given custody over the mother from the beginning of the case. In fact I did not find a case where the mother was ordered to leave the martial residence during the pendency of the case.

Within those same cases I saw an alarming number of bankruptcies and home foreclosures. Somewhere in the neighborhood of almost 20% had either one or both noted on the dockets.

We are crippling our state with failed law.

We are crippling the State of Ohio with law that willingly removes fit parents and in turn costs the State $10 Billion per year in unnecessary costs. That is money that could be spent to rebuild Ohio’s infrastructure into a jobs magnet.

We are crippling our education system at the lower levels and then spending like drunken sailors to correct the mistakes we made with our children earlier.

We are forcing parents into spending money on needless litigation to try to stay an equal parent of their children’s lives, money that could be better spent taking care of their children or maybe paying for their college education instead strangling them with years of debt to pay for their future.

The biggest question ever asked of this General Assembly remains: Why are we removing fit parents from the lives of their children?

On this Father’s Day I dedicate my love and thoughts to my Father, Richard, who I lost in 1975 and to my Son Kevan, born 1990. I love you both with all my heart.